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Bullying at schools
Bullying is a big problem that affects lots of kids. It can make kids feel hurt, scared, sick, lonely, embarrassed and sad. Bullies might hit, kick, or push to hurt people, or use words to call names, threaten, tease, or scare them. A bully might say mean things about someone, grab a kid's stuff, make fun of someone, or leave a kid out of the group on purpose. Some bullies threaten people or try to make them do things they don't want to do.
Bullying Is a Big Deal
It inevitably happens to everyone. Some more than others. Being bullied can make kids feel really bad. The stress of dealing with bullies can make kids feel sick.
Bullying can make kids not want to play outside or go to school. It's hard to keep your mind on schoolwork when you're worried about how you're going to deal with the bully near your locker. Bullying bothers everyone — and not just the kids who are getting picked on. Bullying can make school a place of fear and can lead to more violence and more stress for everyone.
Whether it's because you wear big glasses, you're not wearing the coolest clothes, you're too tall or too short or big or too small – teasing is a timeless "activity" that never goes out of style (unfortunately). So, how do you deal with it without having to resort to physical violence? SO, WHAT'S BULLYING?
'Bullying is any behaviour which is deliberately intended to hurt, threaten or frighten another person or group of people. It is usually unprovoked and is often repeated and can continue for a long period of time. It always reflects an imbalance and abuse of power...“Sonia Sharp”
All of these things count as bullying: - name calling
- spreading rumours about someone
- making up stories to get a person into trouble
- taking friends away so someone's left on their own
- telling other people not to be friends with someone
- hitting, kicking, tripping up, or pushing around
- making remarks about a person's culture, religion, disability or colour
- saying things about a person's looks or weight
- making remarks about a person's disability or medical condition
- not letting someone be your partner in class
- leaving someone out when you're choosing a games team
- taking away a person's things, or demanding money from them
- damaging someone's things
- hiding things like a person's books or bag
- making jokes about someone when you know it upsets them
- sending nasty text messages, silent phone calls, or nasty emails
making threats
You might remember doing some of these things, but not think of yourself as a bully.
Some people say that if you do any of these kinds of things just once, then it's not bullying. Others say that if you're unfairly using your power over someone, even if you only do it once, then you're bullying them (after all, if you do it once, someone else does it once, then someone else, that person is going to feel bullied, aren't they?) You are certainly being a bully if you keep doing any of these things, either to one particular person or to more than one. If one or more of these things keep happening to you, then you are being bullied and you shouldn't let anyone tell you otherwise. Some other things about bullying: - It's done wanting to hurt, threaten or frighten someone
- It might be planned, but sometimes it's done on the spur of the moment
- It might be done at random by someone who doesn't even know you, probably by someone who is feared for their behaviour
- As you can see from the list above, it does not have to involve violence, and some surveys show that people find spreading rumours as the most stressful
- It's usually done to someone who at the time can't defend themselves
- It's cowardly because it is done to cause hurt without fear of any comeback.
- What about people who know about bullying but don't do anything about it?
- Bullying can't happen unless people who are observers, onlookers or watchers do nothing to stop it
- Sometimes bullies rely on reinforcement and encouragement from an audience who (for instance) laugh at the victim, making their feeling of isolation worse
- Sometimes there are outsiders who don't join in the laughter, but pretend not to notice that the bullying is happening
- Bullies sometimes have 'assistants', who support the bully and are keen to join in
Why do people do it? There are different reasons for it.
Sometimes there are 'rewards' they get for doing it:
• gaining status in the class, group, or school
• impressing friends, showing off, feeling tough
• getting money
• amusement
• satisfaction with seeing the victim suffer
Some researchers say the first two seem to be the most important
Sometimes bullies have their own problems
• they may feel upset or angry or feel that they don't fit in - perhaps they have problems at home
• maybe they get bullied themselves, perhaps by someone in their own family or other adults
• they're scared of getting picked on so they do it first
• many don't like themselves and so take it out on someone else WHO GETS BULLIED? People get bullied for all sorts of things and for no reason at all. Some bullying is directed at something about you, like being a girl, or because of your race or culture, or being disabled. In a way, these are special types of bullying, partly because they focus on something the victim has no choice over and can do nothing to change.
Intellectual Disability bullying might include these sorts of things:
• using discriminatory or offensive language to describe members of a particular group
• mocking appearance, or the way they communicate, depending on the severity
• making disability jokes
• excluding people from social groups because of their disability
• physically attacking (or threatening to attack) people because of their disability THE EFFECTS OF BULLYING While bullies often try to deny what they've done by saying 'it was only a joke', the truth is they mean it to hurt and it often does.
Sometimes there can be physical harm, but there can also be psychological harm to people being bullied
• They can be so depressed they actually become ill
• Their self esteem can be really low
• They can become shy and withdrawn
• They can develop physical complaints, like constant stomach aches and headaches, which are brought on by stress
• The kind of bullying that seems to cause the most stress is rumour spreading
• Fear and anxiety can make someone being bullied truant (be absent) from school
Bullying hurts. It makes you scared and upset. It can make you so worried that you can't work well at school. Some children have skipped school to get away from it. It can make you feel that you are no good, that there is something wrong with you. Bullies can make you feel that it's your fault. THE MYTHS OF BULLYING There are many myths and misunderstanding about the act of bullying, who gets bullied and what the effects bullying has on people. Some of the most common opinions are:
• You have to learn to stand up for yourself
• Being bullied is character forming
• It was just a bit of fun
• Boys will be boys!
• They got what they deserved
• Bullies are thick kids from dysfunctional families picking on academic, nerdy kids with glasses
• We don't have bullying in our school
• Don't tell the teacher, it will just make it worse
• The teacher can't do anything about it
• It's nothing to do with me. I just see it happen. I don't bully anyone
Some advice for teachers from Bullying (by D. Thompson, T. Arora, S. Sharp)
• Involve pupils in the development and implementation of their schools anti-bullying policy (Because pupils are most likely to be the first to see bullying behaviour they should be in a position to respond to that behaviour positively. This does not mean that they are solely responsible for the welfare of their fellow pupils but without involving all members of staff and pupils preventing bullying will be would be impossible. This also helps the students become valid members of the decision making process.)
• Help students become more aware of bullying issues through the curriculum and assemblies
• Teach about how to deal with aggressive feelings and managing relationships constructively e.g. learn assertiveness skills and conflict resolution.
• Teach pupils how to challenge bullying behaviour
• Improve staff supervision at break times and after school
• All members of staff need to have training on the issues of bullying and what their responses need to be
• Set up a buddy system and a circle of friends.
• Use whatever counseling service is available, and consider a peer counseling service.
WHAT CAN YOU DO ABOUT BEING BULLIED?
Above all, don't suffer in silence. Being bullied is not your fault and people will help you. You can do something about it. You can make a difference!
So, if you are being bullied, TELL, TELL, TELL!
• Keep a note or diary of what is happening
• Practice what you want to say
• Talk over what to do with a friend, a teacher, your mom or dad or an adult you trust
• Don't give up
• Ask your parents or carers to visit the school
Remember - it's right to tell an adult that you are being bullied and to ask for their help. You don't have to let them take over. You can talk with them about what you would like to happen.
Helping someone else who's being bullied
Maybe you're not being bullied, but you know someone who is - perhaps that person is not even a good friend, but someone else in your school. Have you ever stood around and noticed that someone was being bullied, but you weren't sure what, if anything, you could do? Have you thought that maybe nothing you could do would make a difference?
Don't ignore bullying. You can help. Don't let the bullies get away with thinking that no-one will do anything. Here are a few things you can do, and a couple that you can't:
• Don't rush over and take them on - it might not be safe and you don't want other people to think you are a bully
• Let a teacher or other adult know what's happening
• Try to be a friend to the person being bullied
• Refuse to join in
• Try to be friendly to the bully, but even if you can't be friends, being kind can sometimes help the bully stop bullying
• Sometimes you can't sort it out yourself. Ask an adult for help
Are you a bully?
If you are bullying, or have bullied someone, you should talk to someone about it. Who could you speak to? A teacher? Your parents? EXTRA INFORMATION ON HOW TO DEAL WITH BULLYING 8 EFFECTIVE WAYS TO DEAL WITH IT BULLYING HOW TEACHERS/ EDUCATORS CAN ASSIST - Intervention
Always deal immediately with any evidence of bullying in the classroom. Some pupils believe that if a teacher ignores their bullying they are condoning it, which can escalate a problem. Record incidents in a book; use this record to shape the development of an anti-bullying policy and procedure.
- Security
Organize supervised rooms where vulnerable pupils can play or talk at lunch times. Indoor social areas, clubs and activities can reduce children's feelings of isolation at break times. And splitting the playground into zones can prevent games dominating the space.
- Activities
Children are more likely to bully their peers if they are bored. One good way of preventing bullying is to engage pupils in activities such as a mini tournament during play time and to organize clubs at lunch time.
- Support
Encourage children to elect their own anti-bullying management committee. This will enable them to improve their environment by taking responsibility for their behaviour and their actions. The pupil committee, supported by staff and members of the local community, could organize a bully box to report incidents and set up conservation areas and activities such as playground patrols and community projects. Find out how your school can form friendships and exchange ideas with other schools.
Also consulting with the school psychologist or social worker can also provide support for the learner who is being bullied or for the bully himself/ herself. This will give them a platform to talk about issues that bother them or uproot the underlying factors that may lead to bullying. Consultation provides better information about behaviour and trends and it generates peer pressure, which can counteract bullying.
- Awareness
Awareness is the most important aspect of understanding and working towards addressing bullying. The curriculum can be adapted to raise awareness of the need to combat bullying. History is ideal for helping pupils to appreciate cases of intimidation, discrimination and teasing, while literature can be used to explore feelings of isolation, intimidation and abuse.
TIPS FOR CHILDREN WITH INTELLECTUAL DISABILITIES & THOSE BEING BULLIED
• Don't take anything bullies say to heart - they are not worthy of your tears! Do not let their words stop you from achieving your goals! Show confidence, and show to them that their words have no effect on you.
• Build your confidence, and confidence is one thing that will deter bullies.
• If the bully just calls you names, make them "look in the mirror" by calling them the same that they do to you. Then, you can tell the bully what you want to say.
• Tell them how you feel, and you have the right to live. They should not be allowed to make you feel bad in any way whatsoever.
• Be assertive and stand your ground.
• Stay calm at all times, as this will only puzzle and frustrate the bully more.
Helping Children Deal with Teasing
Teasing/ Bullying cannot be prevented, and children cannot control what others say; however, they can learn to control their own reactions. Parents can teach their children the simple strategies listed below that will empower them and reduce feelings of helplessness. When children realize that there are effective strategies that they can use in teasing situations, their coping skills are strengthened.
• Self-talk: Encourage children to think about what they can say to themselves when they are in a teasing situation. A child could say to himself, "Even though I don’t like this teasing, I can handle it." A child should ask himself, "Is the tease true?" Often it is not. Another important question is, "Whose opinion is more important . . . the teaser’s or mine?" It is also helpful for the teased child to think about her positive qualities to counteract the negative remarks. • Ignore: Displays of anger or tears often invite more teasing; therefore, it is often effective for children to ignore the teaser. The child who is being teased should not look at or respond to the teaser. Children should try to pretend that the teaser is invisible and act as if nothing has happened. If possible, walking away from the teaser is encouraged. Parents can role play "ignoring" with their children and praise children for their excellent "acting." It should be noted that ignoring may not be effective in prolonged teasing situations. • The “I” message: The "I message" is an assertive way for children to effectively express their feelings. The child expresses how he feels, what has caused him to feel that way, and what he would like others to do differently. For example, a child could say, "I feel upset when you make fun of my glasses. I would like you to stop." This strategy generally works better when expressed in a more structured or supervised situation, such as a classroom. When used in other situations, such as recess or on the school bus, it may lead to more teasing when the teaser perceives the child being teased is upset. Nevertheless, it is an easy skill to teach children to help them deal with many situations. The child should learn to make eye contact, speak clearly, and use a polite tone of voice. • Visualization: Many young children respond well to visualizing words "bouncing off" of them. It provides them with the image of not having to accept or believe what is said. Another effective visualization is for a child to pretend he has a shield around him that helps the teases and bad words bounce off. Again, this technique gives children the message that they can refuse these put-downs. • Reframing: Reframing is changing one’s perception about the negative comment; it is turning the teasing into a compliment. For example, a child teases another about her glasses, "Four eyes, four eyes, you have four eyes." The child being teased could politely respond, "Thanks for noticing my glasses!" The teaser is usually confused, especially when there is not a reaction of anger or frustration. Another child might respond to a tease by saying, "That is a great put-down." • Agree with the facts: Agreeing with the facts can be one of the easiest ways to handle an insult or tease. The teaser says, "You have so many freckles." The teased child responds, "Yes, I have a lot of freckles." The teaser taunts, "You are such a cry baby." The teased child can answer, "I do cry easily." Agreeing with facts usually eliminates the feeling of wanting to hide the freckles or the tears. • Respond to the tease with a compliment: When a child is teased, it is often effective to respond with a compliment. For example, if a child is teased about the way he runs, he can answer, "You are a fast runner." • Use humor: Humor shows that little importance is placed on the put-downs or mean remarks. Laughing can often turn a hurtful situation into a funny one. • Ask for help: At times, it is necessary for a child to seek adult assistance or intervention if the teaser is persistent. • Walk away. When kids, teens or even adults tease one another, they do it because they want to get a reaction out of you. They enjoy seeing you squirm, get upset and feeling bad about yourself. Mostly they do it so they can make themselves feel better by making others feel bad about themselves. (Yes, I do feel sorry for those teasers).
If you or your child is being teased at school or outside of school, talk to your child and tell them that they don't have to face this problem alone. Seek professional help, by no means should you take these tips as concrete advice but I hope it gives you a starting point.
Speak to the parties involved. Speak to teachers and principles as they have a responsibility to create a safe and comfortable learning environment. There may also be a need to involve the teaser's parents as well. As they have a responsibility for the behavior of their child. |
